I HAVE FAILED SO MANY TIMES THAT I STUMBLED TOWARD SUCCESS. The fear of failure, pain, discomfort, success, criticism and the new have contributed to me stumbling. Yet, in the process I learned how to replace my fear with faith. The "what if" syndrome arrested me during the day and haunted me with nightmares at night. Depression was a constant fight and anxiety was something that kept me not feeling right.
In my down ward spiral time and time again I finally asked myself what was making me afraid to change? In the pit of disgust I discovered that it was a must for me to believe in me. The decision from a spiritual perspective is where I had to have faith in my ability to trust God in all of my disabilities. This faith in me was the first step on my road of discovering how to change. After I walked up that step I discovered that I was falling back down when challenges tested my belief system.
I asked myself another question, how do I handle the pressure when my belief system is being challenged? I realized that I trusted the pressure more than the one that could relieve me in the press. So, I decided to say yes to the answer and no to the intimidating question. My philosophy now is to resist the pressure and insist on my victory. The bible did tell me that if I resist the enemy he would flee. Now in pressure I have learned to reject defeat and accept victory.
After identifying what was making me afraid to change and realizing how I handle pressure I still felt drained. The will to move had its good days and bad days I actually felt like I was in a rocking chair. Then I realized I was being complacent the next question I had to ask myself was how bad do I want to change. After slipping and tripping again I made up my mind I want change as bad as I want food. This drive I realize was the only way that my change was going to survive.
In the unfamiliar territory of change I started to doubt my capacity to keep everything going in the right direction. Therefore, I had to commit to an internal inspection. This process involved another question. Do I have the capacity to change? The answer came with another question from the spirit. Who told me I could not change? My solution was not to believe the pollution that was seeping out of other people mouths with various opinions. Faith stood up in me and screamed "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen." My change is hoped for and as I fight my turn around will be eventually seen because it is God who gave me the dream.
After self-reflecting and questioning myself I realized that I had climbed pretty high in the spirit world. My thinking had evolved from my success being based off of what was seen and concentrating more on the dream. As I looked around and discovered a new place in my thinking I was so happy with my progress I prayed not to go back into the mess of failure. Another question hit me in the face and tried to get me to doubt what this new life was all about. How will I continue to release positive energy? Before I could get a thought out the creative word summed up my success by encouraging me to forget, reach and press by retiring from mess. If I keep pressing toward the mark of the prize of the high calling then I will never again have to worry about falling.
